Well I'm back. I am in a nuetral zone right now. I'm stuck in a limbo in my life. Its like I have no idea what to do next. I found out I have major depression and it sheds light on all the things I've been feeling and thinking. It even explains all my physical ailments as well. I cry all the time these days, and sometimes it takes nothing to get me going. I get so angry at the slightest words and my fear of rejection is actually pushing people further away. I hate my life so much at this point.

I'm staying with my grandmother till saturday and I really dont want to go back home. What do I have there? Only Eliade. I'm in a fallout with my best girlfriends boy friend so its akward to talk to her when I'm angry at him. I only really talk to Karzi and Eli. And Karzi more than him. Hmmm maybe I should date Karzi?! KIDDING! But in all honesty I really am stuck in a hole. I feel closed in and abandonded to fend off these inner demons on my own. God the horrible things that go through my head at night. I just want to stop thinking that I'm worthless. I can't help it. I feel like the world doesn't need me and all I'm doing is hanging around till I die.

One thing has gotten brighter. I have been asked by the Plumpton Park Zoo to help out with their animals. They were so impressed by the amount I knew on them they offered me a position. I said I can't cuz I live someplace else (WHY?!?!?!?!?) so they said I could volunteer instead. I've already grown attached to a few of them. Like Roslyin the Donkey...sweetest thing. She and her pen mate Francine follow me all over the place. Then there is Jimmy. Funniest Giraffe ever. Tehre are Peacocks EVERYWHERE and one was dumb enough to lay on the floor of his pen....he step on its tail and the bird flipped out squawking and flapping and all Jimmy did was look down at him as though he was enjoying the noise. OH GOD and GRAVY!!! Gravy is a male turkey that likes me WAY too much. He actually followed me around the ENTIRE zoo and tried to go home with me. I'll be working with various monkies, a cougar, a pair of Wolves named Whisper and Secret, and a 23 year old Siberian Tiger named Oasis, but everyone calls her sis. Oh and the Muntjacks are so cute!!! theres a load capuchin that loves to show off her toys. Theres buffalo, some sweet lamas and two very nasty ones. Several Buffalo and tons of farm animals. only one minature horse...no large ones...poo. So wish me luck guys. They said I can Volunteer any time I want so I'm going to making MORE visits to my grandmas now. I'm really excited!!

Heres their site: [link]
Heres Sis the Tiger: [link]
JIMMY: [link]
A Watusi African Bull that can be seen from the road!!!: [link]
This is Buckwheat: [link]